ecstatic jabbering and random thoughts

so, hello guys.
warning...i have been awake since 4am (early clinicals) and i have just downed a grande cinnamon dolce latte from starbucks. so...kinda sleep deprived and kinda hyper! yay! ;)

i have come to a new mindset today. that is what this semester of school has been...new mindsets. like everyday. haha!
but anyway, new mindset. i was talking with a classmate and my clinical instructor today about the anxieties and stresses of school and how completely overwhelming it is just thinking about it. like, if i fail out this semester of nursing school or have to withdraw a few things would happen...
#1. if i fail it would lower my GPA quite a lot. to the point where if i wanted to reapply i possibly couldn't get back into the nursing program because i wouldn't have a high enough GPA.
#2. if i withdraw or fail it would affect my financial aid. i probably wouldn't be eligible for aid anymore.
#3. if i withdraw or fail i would need to reapply. and they only take so many people back per semester (like two or three-ish). no guarantee on getting back in.
#4. if i withdraw of fail i would graduate late.

and that is my list of woes.
so today my clinical instructor said that if you go into a test with all of that^ anxiety on your shoulders and that much stress to pass then you will mess up...it's kind of inevitable.
yay...
so my new perspective on nursing school:
if i fail/withdraw the world will still be turning. my life will not be over. i can always reapply to my school's program. but there are also many more schools out there who have great nursing programs. many many options.
so from now on i will be going into tests with this new mindset. no more freaking myself out and having test anxiety about passing. no more thinking about having to graduate late. it will happen and in God's timing. and it's okay to have a plan b.
(p.s. this is not why i'm ecstatic...though i'm pretty peaceful about this decision.)

and then today! today i was prepared for a super super long day. like i said, i've been up since 4 this morning for clinicals, which ended at 12:30ish. then i had tutoring for pharmacology (test tomorrow!) from 2-3:15. and then studying tonight. hence the coffee...must stay awake!
my pharm class has been online this semester. which, in so many words, has been kinda stinky. but today started a new tutoring session with our teacher and it went so awesome! like, i came out of there just so happy and hopeful that i could pass the test tomorrow.
(this is why i'm ecstatic, by the way)
granted, the hard parts of this semester are not over (finals week = 3 finals Wed. - Fri. ....dreading!) but i have a bit of hope now.
so. that is all of my jabbering gibberish.
thanks. :)